Celebrating Children of Foster Carers

To find out more about the role of children of foster carers, we spoke to three of our foster families. Meet Ruth, who fosters with her husband Derek, and their children Kirsti, Aimee and Jamie; Karen and Mike, who foster alongside their daughter Abi; and Lydia, who grew up in a fostering family and is now starting the process to become a foster carer herself.

Fostering can impact every family member. It's important to make any children in the home feel part of the decision. Ruth fosters with her husband Derek, and their children Kirsti, Aimee and Jamie. She said: “When Derek and I knew we wanted to foster, we immediately spoke to Aimee, Kirsti and Jamie. We’d made it clear from the start that if they had any issues or reasons why they wouldn’t want us to foster, then we wouldn’t. It had to be us agreeing to this journey as a family.”

Likewise, for Karen and Mike, their teenage daughter, Abi, was instrumental in them exploring fostering. Abi said: “I remember mum reading out an article about a child who needed a home to live in. I was intrigued because I couldn’t imagine what that would be like and I thought we might be able to help.”

Lydia, who is currently going through the application process to become a foster carer, grew up in a fostering household. “I was about 5 years old when Mum sat us down and told us that she and Dad were going to foster. I was too young to understand what fostering would be like, but the important thing was that Mum and Dad were always there for me.”

Ruth explained the Skills to Foster training provided a lot of useful information. “We came back from the course and knew we had to explain to our kids, that their expectations might not be the reality. We had to think about how fostering would affect them. What if it didn’t work? After taking some time to reflect, we decided, we've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. We felt it was important to at least try and make it work so that we could, hopefully, make a positive difference to a child’s life.”

For Karen and Mike, they kept Abi updated on what stage of the fostering process they were at. “Abi seemed to have a good understanding of how awful it might be for a child or young person to have to leave their mummy and daddy. We kept it simple for her stating that some parents haven’t the skills or knowledge to look after children and some homes are dangerous for young people to be in. It’s all about ensuring the young person is safe and thriving.”

Having a new person join your family can come with challenges. For Abi, it was the changes to daily routines. “The most challenging thing for me is not being able to be spontaneous and just go and do things in the evening as my foster sibling is sleeping.” When she does feel overwhelmed, Abi makes some time for herself. “I like to have some space in my room, listening to music or watching TV.”

Although Jamie lives independently, for Ruth's daughters, who still live at home, the training Action for Children Fostering offered was beneficial. “Aimee and Kirsti struggled in different ways with parts of fostering.  And when you look back on situations you think, we could have done this, we should have done that. Training has been invaluable. Aimee and Kirsti have learned a lot from hearing about our training and we’ve all learned together.”

For Lydia, fostering has taught her skills, such as curiosity and patience. “I now work with children, and I always try to understand what they’re going through and how it affects them.” Her family’s decision to foster when she was a child is something that positively shaped her life, and she has since embarked on her own journey to foster. “My Mum and Dad love fostering and so do I. So much so, I’m now going through the fostering assessment process too.”

Since they began fostering, Karen has seen her daughter’s caring side shine. “The most rewarding part of fostering alongside Abi was just watching her naturally love and help nurture this child in our home. Christmas was very special as Abi helped her write her Christmas letter to Santa and prepped the house for reindeer coming and it just felt the magical aspect of Christmas was back in our home.”

Ruth has also seen a positive impact on her own children since becoming a family who fosters. “It's rewarding seeing our young person, and my own kids, growing together. They’re getting life experiences they wouldn't have had if we didn’t foster.”

If you’re thinking of fostering, Ruth has said to welcome support. "I would say going to the support groups and taking part in the training provided by Action for Children Fostering has been invaluable. Derek and I have learned an awful lot. Fostering is one of the most challenging, but one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.”

Karen’s advice is to ensure you always make time for any children in the home. “Plan for days out with your child/ren. They are giving up their home, their parents’ time and energy and it is so important to ensure they still feel you are making time for them.”

Lydia would encourage people to give it a go. “There are not enough foster families to help these kids out. Fostering taught me, even as a young girl, to help others. As a family we gave our foster children the love, laughter and sense of family that they were missing.”

Find out more about fostering families.