What is fostering really like?

Fostering is the most amazing journey you will ever go on. There are some difficult and challenging times along the way. You will have ups and downs, good days and bad days. But seeing the smiles on the faces of your foster children, knowing you have had a hand in changing their young lives for the better, makes every challenge or bad day worth it. We have been fostering for 5 years this year and have learnt so much along the way. Becoming foster carers is one of the best decisions we ever made.

Garry & Jack, Action for Children foster carers

In those moments when you don't know what to do, you feel overwhelmed or exhausted, your fostering social worker is only a call away; there to listen, calm and affirm you, give you the space to say how you are feeling, help you to look at the situation in a more balanced way and also to take those hard decisions. They care about you and your youngster.

Trisha, Action for Children foster carer

Fostering is a different kind of parenting. It’s therapeutic parenting, focusing on connection and relationship rather than discipline and punishment. There have been some challenging times, but my foster child is amazing and I’m so blessed to be a part of her life. Even when it’s tough I have so much compassion for her and what she’s been through. When you know someone’s story you can’t judge them, you have so much more understanding for them.

Victoria, Action for Children foster carer

I think it’s really difficult to say to prospective foster carers how challenging fostering really is, because good foster carers always say, “that’s fine, I can handle that!”- it’s how we’re made! But I think it’s important to set expectations that fostering is not really like being a parent to your own children, it’s a lot closer to being a therapist. We need to make sure we don’t expect lots of “I love yous” or “best mum Ever”, because these come and go like the weather changing! The key thing we can do is just hold the ship steady, make sure our young people feel safe and know that we can repair pretty much anything, because they are worth going through the storms for, and we won’t be easily scared off! You have to be ready to know you’re doing a good job when it’s all kicking off and you feel like you’re negotiating with a terrorist but you keep your cool and don’t take it personally - that’s the moment to hide in the loo and pat yourself on the back!

Cathey, Action for Children foster carer

When we first decided to foster, our initial thoughts were that we were bringing a child into our house and we were going to lavish them with love. We thought we’d do this with them and that with them and take them to loads of playdates and activities. Things they hadn’t experienced before. But it's not like that at the start. You need to do everything really, really slowly with them. Things do change over time though and now, three years down the line, I can see a massive difference in my young person. They’re much more confident, happy and more settled. You do wonder when you first get into fostering if you’re getting it right, but you are. One of the most rewarding things about fostering for me is hearing my young person laugh. When you hear them laugh for the first time, compared to when they first came through the door, with their serious face, their nervousness, their terrified look. Then, you know, after you've heard that first giggle, that in this moment they are happy and relaxed and everything you’ve gone through has been worth it.

Sue, Action for Children foster carer