What's it really like growing up in a fostering family?

When Mia was 14, her family welcomed their first foster child into their home. Mia (now 16) loves how blended her family has become.

"Mum and dad first mentioned fostering to me when I was 13. I didn't know much about it, so I spent time looking online about what it meant," she says.

Mia grew up as an only child. She never missed having siblings, but she was excited about what fostering could mean for her family.

"I never felt I was missing out as an only child. Mum and dad always had a lot of time to give me and we would always go on adventures. I had a great childhood and made lots of brilliant memories. I realised that not every child gets the chance to have the same loving and fun childhood that I had. That got me excited about fostering. It felt like another adventure I could go on with mum and dad - but this time we could bring someone with us!"

During the application and assessment stage, Mia's parents were open about what they learned during training. They wanted to make sure that Mia understood the realities of fostering before they welcomed anyone into their home.

"I thought fostering would be pretty straightforward and the child or young person would be just as excited as me! But the training mum and dad did made me realise that might not be the case. We discussed a lot about how children and young people staying with us might need time and space to settle in."

The first young person the Robinsons welcomed into their home was an 11-year-old girl who stayed for a 10 day ‘planned break’ – this is when a child or young person stays with foster carers for a short, fixed time. Mia remembers, "I was actually really nervous when she arrived.  I was 14 at the time and worried that the three-year age difference would feel like a lot. But once we began to feel more comfortable around each other, we discovered we liked a lot of the same things.”

The family provided planned breaks for about a year. "Every time was different,” Mia says. "We had a girl once, who was supposed to stay with us for a week. She only stayed two days. She missed her long-term foster carers and found it difficult to settle. I felt bad but our fostering social worker was so lovely and reminded us that not every ‘pairing’ works out perfectly."

The family reached a point where they wanted to build more lasting connections and decided they wanted to focus on long-term fostering. Mia was 15 when they opened their home and hearts to siblings Ollie (13) and Lola (9).

Mia said: "It’s been the quickest year ever! I love having Ollie and Lola as part of our family. I love beauty and fashion and I get to practise hair tutorials on Lola. Ollie isn't so keen on volunteering for that!"

Although Mia has forged a strong bond with Ollie and Lola, she admits there have been challenges. "At the beginning Ollie was very protective of Lola and was always on guard with us. He seemed afraid of grown-ups. Lola struggled with eating. Ollie used to always make her meals - things like cereal or beans on toast – and she would have meltdowns when we tried something new. I understood that a lot of this behaviour came from their early experiences, but it was hard to watch them lash out at mum and dad.”

Mia said fostering has really made her appreciate her parents. "Mum and dad have been amazing. I have learned so much about being patient and calm and kind. I have also realised how lucky I am to have had the childhood I did."

At first, it was hard not being the ‘only child’ and getting her Mum and Dad’s undivided attention. But her parents tried hard to carve out one-on-one time with her, like an afternoon’s shopping or a cinema trip to give her space and time to talk about how she was feeling – time for just them. “Looking back, I now realise it’s actually a good thing! When I go to university in a couple of years, it’ll be nice knowing they’ll still have Ollie and Lola at home to focus on."

When asked for advice for families thinking about fostering, Mia said: "The idea of fostering can make you nervous; it absolutely changes your life. For me, though, that change has been a good one. We bicker at times – just like any siblings - but I love how our family has grown. I love seeing how much Ollie and Lola have changed since living with us. They are so much more relaxed and happy. They are the little brother and sister I didn't know I needed."

*  The Robinson family is made up but the stories are real, taken from the experiences of real foster families.